about me

Ohhh, how many times have I written this page in my head?  And re-written.  Or just let my finger twitch a second too long over that “trash” button…

Suffice it to say: many, many times.

After all, if you know me already, there’s not a lot I can say on this page that you haven’t either read in my blog or figured out from dealing interacting with me.

On the other hand, if you don’t know me or haven’t read me before, then I feel this tremendous pressure to say something witty|intriguing|indicative of my brilliant nature without coming across as too circumlocutious|pithy|ambiguous.

Still, on another hand I am working on my ability to write openly and honestly without caring so much about what people think.  Because I have spent entirely too much time in my life worrying about the opinions of others when it comes what I’ve done, what I’m doing, and how I feel about all things past, present, and future.

And on a fourth hand, at which point I’m starting to look like a multi-armed deity, I do want to share a little bit about my background, the history of my blog, and what I hope to accomplish by writing.

Now that we’ve gotten that out of the way… this is my blog.  There are many like it, but this one is mine.  This is where I write for my Self. Where I can’t|won’t|don’t have to explain or justify what I’m saying. Somewhere between reality, fiction, and a place in my head that needs to be aired out regularly.

If you are really bored at work|home|school and have read/plan to read back through some of the old entries, prepare to be entertained by out-of-date references to social networking sites, ex-spouses, and pretty consistent periods of time where I fail to blog about anything at all and then make promises to not let it happen ever again.

Except this time, I am serious.  Unapologetic. Dedicated to having an outlet. Finally ready.

At the risk of defaulting to hiding behind song quotes, I’m going to attempt to summarize myself.  It’s not easy.  I’m complicated & stuff, but I try to not take myself too seriously.  Please conduct all reading on this site with a very large grain of salt and an open mind.

I’ve seen & done more at “thirty-something” than most people will do in a lifetime.  I used to be able to say that as a “twenty-something.” I’m still coming to grips with getting older, and trying to figure out if that long-standing obsession with the thought that I’m going to die when I’m 45 is an actual premonition or just narcissism.

Right now in life I am muddling through the demise of my second (hetero) marriage in the midst of coming out as gay. After a long struggle and a fair dose of denial, I decided to take the plunge and finally allow myself to be. My friends and family know, and it is the best thing I’ve ever shared with them. It has actually brought me closer to some of them, and I know I am truly blessed to have such experiences as my coming out story.

My writing has always been an outlet.  Sometimes public, sometimes private, on paper, online.  The problem is I have always felt hampered by what other people will think.  Blame it on years of repression (which I made up for in the interim) and a running inner dialogue of self-doubt/paranoia/OCD.  I finally decided to attempt to make a place where I can say whatever I want.  It’s kind of evolving and changing as I become more comfortable and have a better idea of the things I want to share.

On the practical side, you should know that I’m: a mother. a conservative liberal. female. opinionated. at turns empathetic and heartless. cynically optimistic. spontaneous. an entreprenuer. jack of all trades, master of none. a voracious reader (when I have the time). logophile.  adventurous. sarcastic.  The rest you can figure out as we go…

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