Brain Dump

27 Oct

So many thoughts, so little time to get out my netbook, log in to my blog, and write them all down in coherent sentences. Therefore, since I have obviously managed to complete the first two steps of this process, I’m going to cut myself some slack on the last one and just unload a bit. I’m tired of always thinking of things to write about and then never writing them because I “don’t have time” or I don’t have some perfect blog entry fully written in my head before I get to the keyboard. I guess this is an exercise in stream of consciousness.

I’m back “home” this week. Part business, part pleasure trip. I came back to do a week of volunteer work and do some networking. In my “free” time, I hoped to catch up with family & friends. I also looked forward to some “me” time to just do whatever — read a book, watch endless DIY shows on HGTV while painting my nails — you know. As usual, I’ve grossly underestimated the amount of time things take to do. And I’m broke.

Not enough time is one thing. Not enough time AND not enough money? Suck. But related to another thing I was hoping to accomplish on this trip, which is figuring out how to get myself out of this awful personal/business rut of doing my bar gig and a few things on the side and barely scraping by. Because this is *not* working for me. I mean, it is. But it’s becoming stressful to be this broke all the time.

I want to love what I do. I want to be so damn happy that I get to work every day in my chosen profession. I’ve seen what it can be like… I’ve seen the people who have that form of happiness in their lives. (And I’ve seen the resigned desperation of those who hate what they do, or only work to pay the bills.) I know what I want to do. I don’t know how to get there from here. Ugh.

 

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