Letting Go

21 Jun

This entry has been rolling about in my brain, asking to get out even though I don’t feel like it’s necessarily a fully formed, cohesive piece of written material. It’s just a blurb, a piece of my mind without a lot of context. Something I think about often.

Whenever I am in one of “those” heated conversations with a family member or significant other (and they don’t happen often, but they DO happen), I am frequently accused of being demanding. It’s true. I am. I hold my friends and family to very high standards.

Not that I’m some kind of control freak, unforgiving beotch. I just expect a lot out of ya’ll, because you’re amazing people.

But the thing I figured out recently, about why that statement used to get me so Fired Up and mad, is this: you think I hold you to high standard of performance? Be me for just one day. I used to be on constant criticism mode. Nothing was good enough. Fast enough. Clean enough. Perfect enough. The Critic in my head would not stop.

Thankfully, between coming out and doing some major soul-searching, the Critic and I have reached an understanding. I get that she just wants things to be okay, to be right. But it comes across as controlling at times, and she has to understand that sometimes the best thing is to let go.

Be in the moment. Accept mistakes as things that happen instead of terminal definitions of someone else’s character or capabilities. Realize that what someone else does isn’t always about me, and sometimes there’s nothing I can do about it.

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